Rest-less Mums
And there you are, walking around irritable, eating ridiculous amounts of chocolate from the treat cupboard, unable to remember your child’s kindy teacher’s name, trying to turn on the heat pump with your car remote,
and feeling like there must be something wrong with you — because, after all, it was a pretty good night: the baby only woke up twice during the night and was up for the day at 6:00 am.
Sleep deprivation is a recognised form of torture, and it is also a significant contributor to depression.
There are women walking among us with actual superpowers.
Somehow, they manage to be nice to their children at least some of the time, drive to work, feed them, dress them, brush their hair, cook, wipe bottoms, wipe noses, clean, shop - all of this on six hours of broken sleep on a good day, for months and years on end.
So:
A. If you recognise yourself here - know that you are a superhero, and absolutely nothing you are doing should be taken for granted.
B. You don’t have “baby brain” - you’re just tired.
C. You’re not a bad mum - you’re just running on fumes.
D. You’re not out of control - chocolate is an effective, legit solution when you need energy, you need it fast, and getting that energy through sleep simply isn’t an option.
E. Forgive yourself more. A lot, lot more.
F. Before you start wondering whether you might have depression - try adding an extra hour or two of sleep a day, and then ask yourself again how you’re feeling.
G. Put yourself higher on the priority list - because when you’re not doing well, things aren’t as good for everyone else either. And when you’re doing well, you’re better for everyone around you.
H. Let things go where they matter less. Honestly, nothing terrible will happen if, instead of folding the washing or tidying the lounge at the end of the day, you simply go to bed earlier.
I. Use whatever help - and whoever’s help - you can to make room for catching up on sleep. It isn’t a luxury. It is a basic human need that every person deserves to have met.
J. “Sleep consultant” is not a dirty word. As with anything else, the more you understand your baby’s needs and how their sleep and wake mechanisms work, the better you can create the conditions that help them sleep well - and both of you will benefit.
Naama Sela - Birth Doula and Childbirth Educator
