Preparing for Birth Without Trying to Control It
There is a strange balance when it comes to preparing for birth.
On one hand, there is a lot you can learn, discuss and prepare for.
On the other, birth isn't something you can completely plan.
Sometimes this leads people to wonder whether there is any point preparing at all.
There absolutely is.
The key is understanding that being prepared for birth isn't the same as trying to control how your birth will happen.
Preparation isn't about predicting your birth
You can have preferences about where you'd like to give birth, who you'd like with you, pain relief, positions, monitoring, interventions and what you'd like to happen after your baby is born.
Those preferences matter.
But birth has a habit of introducing variables we can't predict.
Labour might begin earlier than expected. It might take longer than you imagined. Your baby may be in a position that makes labour more challenging. An intervention you hadn't planned for may be recommended. Or you might discover that something you were certain you wouldn't want suddenly feels exactly right in the moment.
None of that means your preparation was wasted.
Good birth preparation isn't about creating one perfect pathway.
It's about understanding the different pathways you might encounter.
Learn about your options before you need them
Labour isn't always the easiest time to hear about something for the first time.
If someone mentions induction, continuous monitoring, an epidural, assisted birth or a caesarean and you have absolutely no idea what they're talking about, it can be difficult to take in all the information while you're also managing labour.
Learning beforehand gives you a foundation.
You don't need to become an expert in every possible intervention.
But understanding the basics means that if something is suggested, you're starting from a place of familiarity rather than hearing completely new information.
It also makes it easier to ask questions.
What is being recommended?
Why is it being recommended?
What are the benefits?
Are there any risks or alternatives?
What happens if we wait?
Being informed doesn't mean refusing intervention. Sometimes an intervention may be exactly what you need.
It means being able to take part in decisions about your care.
Know what matters to you
Instead of trying to plan every detail of your birth, think about the things that are most important to you.
Perhaps you want to remain mobile for as long as possible.
Maybe you'd like a calm environment.
Perhaps skin-to-skin after birth is particularly important to you.
You may want your partner to be very involved, or you might want them to know when you need quiet rather than encouragement.
These things can often remain part of your birth even when the bigger picture changes.
That's why I encourage parents to think beyond simply writing a list of what they do and don't want.
Ask yourself:
What matters to me about how I am cared for during birth?
That question can be far more useful.
Prepare your birth partner too
Birth preparation shouldn't sit entirely with the person giving birth.
Your partner or support person has an important role.
They can learn what labour looks like, understand the different stages, know some practical comfort techniques and become familiar with your preferences.
They can also help you communicate when you're deeply focused on labour.
A prepared birth partner isn't expected to know everything or somehow "fix" labour.
Their job is to understand how they can best support you.
Sometimes that's massage or counter pressure.
Sometimes it's reminding you to change position, getting you a drink or asking a question on your behalf.
And sometimes it's simply staying close and reminding you that you're not doing this alone.
Prepare for more than one possibility
One of the most useful things you can do is allow room for a Plan B.
And possibly a Plan C.
If you're hoping for an unmedicated birth, learn about pain relief anyway.
If you're planning a vaginal birth, understand what happens during a caesarean.
If you're hoping to labour in water, think about what comfort techniques you'd use if the pool isn't available.
This isn't negative thinking.
It doesn't mean you're expecting something to go wrong.
It means that if your circumstances change, you already have some understanding of what your next options might be.
That can make an unexpected change feel far less overwhelming.
Flexibility doesn't mean giving up your preferences
Sometimes people are told to "just go with the flow" when it comes to birth.
I've never particularly liked that advice.
You can be flexible and have preferences.
You can trust your care team and ask questions.
You can change your mind.
You can say yes.
You can say no.
You can ask for more information or a little time to think when circumstances allow.
Birth preparation gives you tools. Flexibility helps you decide which of those tools you need when the time comes.
So, can you really prepare for something unpredictable?
Absolutely.
You prepare by understanding your body and how labour works.
You prepare by learning about your options.
You prepare by talking with your partner.
You prepare by asking questions.
You prepare by thinking about what matters to you.
And you prepare by accepting that your birth may take a path you hadn't imagined.
The goal isn't to walk into birth knowing exactly what is going to happen.
None of us can promise you that.
The goal is to walk into birth with enough knowledge and confidence to meet whatever happens next.
That's the difference between trying to control your birth and being prepared for it.
Author - Janine Penny | Birth & Parenting Specialist
Bellies to Babies | Hawke's Bay & online throughout New Zealand
